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Summiting Everest

DCF 1.0I have been a student of the Law of Attraction for some years now, and I am not ashamed to say that it has been with little success. When I say success, I mean in terms of creation that is consciously directed and not the result of the subconscious mind directing events from the shadows.  In other words, I still struggle with a life that is the product of my old programming and not a life that is reflecting what I truly want. I am a Master Life Coach; I should have gotten there by now, right? I thought so too.  Believe me when I say that I have tried a LOT of things, things that truly have done marvellous things for other people, but I still seem to be in a similar place. All I can say about that is that we are all summiting Everest. Some people find a route that works quickly; I have been searching a bit longer. I think as a Coach I have spent a lot of time helping others find their paths; I perhaps should have spent some time finding my own. Well, it is what it is, and I have learned so many fantastic things that will all come into their own pretty soon I am sure.  I must state here that just because a thing doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t mean it is useless. To use a more brutal analogy, a headache tablet won’t help much with brain cancer.

Enter Greg Kuhn and his book “How Quantum Physicists Build Better Beliefs”.  What excited me about this book is that it applies the same idea to belief change that I do to goal setting. What I say is that if you are attempting to achieve a goal you start exactly where you are and take the smallest possible and totally believable steps to get there. If you stray too far outside of your comfort zone you will pretty much sabotage your own efforts. In his book (and you will also find a similar idea in the works of Abraham-Hicks), Greg states that the pain you feel in life is the distance between your desire and where you are now. In other words, your level of discomfort in life tells you how far away you are from your desire. Basically, you so badly want to be rich, but your unconscious mind says that you are poor.

You get what you unconsciously expect to get, so you can affirm and hypnotise yourself all you want, you will still get what you unconsciously expect. Don’t get me wrong, affirmations and hypnosis (and a host of other great techniques) really do work, but the immediate results you see in people’s lives are usually because they are reasonably close to their desires in terms of their unconscious expectations. Those who are a considerable distance from their desires may find these techniques to be unfruitful and frustrating. In my life I notice there are areas in which I create and manifest quickly, and areas in which things just don’t seem to be happening.

I always thought that those techniques would shift my beliefs and get me the results I wanted. To return to my goal setting theory, your unconscious mind will not accept a new belief that is too strange, or too far outside of its comfort zone. It is programmed to keep you safe, and normal is safe. So these techniques will work, if what they are doing is close enough to your unconscious expectations, but if they are not you will get a firm “no” in response to your efforts. That’s just the way it is.

Your expectations need to match your desire if you want to see those results in your life. So what needs to happen is that the unconscious mind’s beliefs need to be moved upwards, towards the desire, but always within its comfort zone. Using an incrementally increasing feeling scale that you can find in his book, and in the works of Abraham-Hicks, you can chart a step by step course to the feeling that matches your desire. Let’s be honest, if you find that you are not getting results, you will find that your true feelings about your desire are nowhere near close to being compatible. So you start where you are and increase your feelings tiny bit, by tiny bit.

But why feelings when beliefs are what matter? Feelings are your beliefs. A belief is a feeling that has become habitual; the language you use to explain the belief is nothing more than the English words you use to explain the feeling. Your unconscious mind does not speak English; it speaks in feelings which are translated into pictures, and then words. It all happens so quickly that the words are usually all you can get with your conscious mind. You say “I believe such and such” when in truth it is you describing your feelings about something.

The movement up the scale is so small, and the feelings differ almost imperceptibly. This is so that your unconscious mind will accept the process with no resistance. For this reason it is a process that is guaranteed to work, and while it may feel like a long process (weeks or months), it is certainly quicker than being stuck indefinitely. Eventually the dark feelings become lighter, brighter, and then brilliant.

So what makes it work so well? Firstly, it is consciously directed, so you are now in charge and not your unconscious mind, and secondly, you are doing it in a way that is both respectful and loving to your unconscious mind, so it gladly cooperates.

Here is the third reason: I was listening to Bruce Lipton this morning, and he was talking about harmonic resonance, and a penny dropped for me. If you have two guitars in a room and you pluck the A string on one, the A string on the other (and none of the other strings) will begin to vibrate. This is called harmonic resonance. Here is the thing though, if you stop the A string on the first guitar it will begin to vibrate again. In other words, the second guitar is affecting the first guitar. A has an effect on B, which in turn has an effect on A.

This process that Greg puts forward in his book is about harmonic resonance.  You feel a certain way and you get a certain result, which in turn causes you to feel a certain way. I have spoken about this before. I call it a “feedback loop”; feeling – result – feeling. So as you begin to climb the feeling scale you start where you are: feeling – result – feeling. Then you choose a very similar feeling that is higher on the scale and you begin to live from that feeling, and very quickly you notice harmonic resonance: feeling – result- feeling. The process continues, but what you notice is that the results start improving. It is foolproof if it is done properly.

If you want to learn more about all of this, and it excites you as much as it excites me then I recommend a three course meal. Get Greg’s books, supplement with Abraham Hicks, and wash it down with Bruce Lipton.

My love and best wishes to you all,



The Observer Created Reality

1445352_97799378aA belief is nothing more than an assumption about reality, this is why there are so many of them, and they can change with the discovery of a new fact. Beliefs are nothing more than our observations, the judgements we bring to our responses, the meanings we add to the things we encounter. Quantum physics has gone a long way to prove that we live in an observer created reality,  which basically means that it is the assumptions we hold about life that shape our reality. The judgements you hold about other people will make them so in your experience, as I have said before, reality is nothing more that energy arranging itself to match your beliefs. It also means that if you change your assumptions/judgements/observations/beliefs about reality then the reality you are observing will change.  

It is quite possible that you have held the opinion for most of your life that your reality is something separate from you and you are subject to its whims, this is how it appears to you. When you sleep through life, your reality is created by default but as soon as you become aware then the magic begins.  I have had the delight of seeing client’s change their circumstances noticeably by simply shifting their observations. Some people simply can’t accept this as a fact because they have lived so long as a victim to their circumstances that those circumstances just seem like brutes that they can neither control, change, or overcome. Their experiences certainly seem to back up their belief, but what they don’t know is that it is their beliefs that have given them those circumstances. This idea that reality is an absolute deal, and you are either lucky in life or very unlucky, is firmly entrenched in their neural pathways, and when something is that entrenched it is the law.

What I am saying about the true nature of reality, according to Quantum Science, will be to some people what they idea of a spherical earth to the “flat earthers”. People get burned at the stake for presenting ideas that go against entrenched laws. As we have found through time, just because it is widely believed, does not make it so. So how do you change your observations? Life will give you plenty of opportunities. Let’s use a test case, you have been standing in a queue for a while and someone pushes in front of you, how do you react? You see most people go through life reacting and they spend a lot of time justifying those reactions. What judgements would you bring to this situation? How would you judge the other person? Do you find yourself being “pushed in front of” a lot?

The problem with a reaction is that it deals with the content of a situation. Something happens to you and you attach meaning to it. “That person pushed in front of me and that means they are rude,” or “People always push in front of me and that means I am invisible”. All these meanings have to do with the content of the event, and you will find that you will be given a lot of opportunities to judge people as rude, or feel invisible. It will be an ongoing cycle; your reality will confirm your beliefs for as long as you hold them. 

So what if you looked from a contextual position instead? What this basically means is that you look outside of the content for possible meanings for the event, and believe me there are more possibly meanings that you can come up with. “The person is from a culture that doesn’t queue,” “They didn’t notice the queue,” “This is an opportunity for me to meet a new person”, how about, “This is a delay designed to keep me on the perfect track,” or, “I needed to meet this person and I wouldn’t even have known about them if they hadn’t stepped in front of me.” Any one of those can shift your reality, and even in some significant ways. You see nothing is good or bad until you place judgement upon it, but how you judge will determine how reality unfolds for you.

Think for a moment about the last long trip you took, you were very certain about the destination, but how uncertain was the actual trip? There were, no doubt, some minor delays and other things you didn’t expect. Have you ever heard anyone remark on how they were delayed and then came across an accident and realised that if they had left on time it could have been them. You can see life as conspiring against you, or you can see life as working with you to get you where you want to go.  Guess what, if you feel the life is conspiring against you then conspiracy is what you will experience, but, if you think life is helping you and guiding you on the best route through the uncertainty then you will experience benevolence.

Work with what comes up in life, if you need to change then change, if you need to move then move, if you experience delay of some sort then be thankful because you cannot see the potential dangers ahead. It is a moment by moment practice, and it takes awareness. The question for you is are you going to just react the way you always react, or are you going to take a moment and respond in a new way and break the cycle? Your dream life could really be just as far away as deciding to see life in a new way!


Me, myself, and I, and I, and I

383193_9453I have long suspected that I have multiple personality disorder. Put me in a room full of people and I get shy, put me on a stage and I perform. I am calm in traffic, but impatient when my PC drags. Call it what you will, I am a different person in different contexts. Wierd. I am wrong about one thing though, it isn’t a disorder.

The fact is that we all have multiple personalities. We flow effortlessly from personality to personality as the situation requires, the only time it becomes a disorder is when that flow gets disrupted and we get our personalities confused. You would not be the person you are at work when you are with your kids right? You would be the person you are with your girlfriend/boyfriend when you are with your parents right? Surely this is just the same person choosing different behaviours? Perhaps, but when you understand personality you will see that a rose is not a rose when it is a daffodil.

Personality is nothing more than the unique product of a number of beliefs and values working together. Like the ingredients of a cake they produce the yummy end result, but change an ingredient and you no longer have the same cake. The reason why you are a different person in different circumstances is because you are accessing a different set of beliefs and values to match that environment, you pick the beliefs and values that will produce the kind of behaviour that you think will be the most appropriate. The fact that you sometimes produce the wrong behaviour is not a symptom of a disorder, but rather a sign that you need to keep learning.

Personality, in other words, is nothing more than what happens as a result of learning to cope. It always has a goal, personality is designed to get you something. Think about, you crack a joke, why? You pass an opinion, why? You hold your tongue, why? Personality is a strategy designed with a specific outcome in mind. Think of you computer, it has many programs that are all different, you wouldn’t say that any of them are the same program, yet all a program is is code arranged in a certain way to produce a certain result.

There is a lot of freedom in accepting that your personalities are nothing more than programming designed to get a certain result. It means that if you can learn to design a personality then you can pick one that will get you the results you want. This raises an interesting question, if you are not your personality, then who are you?  For now it is suffice to say that “you” are the one who can observe all your personalities. Try this, take a step back (mentally) and watch the stream of thoughts flowing through your mind, now you are getting closer to the real you. So personality is actually nothing more than a coat you wear, and you can change it at will (although it is mostly done unconsciously). Try something else now, pretend to be happy for a second, go on, try it. Smile, stretch, throw your head back. Now pretend to be cross, knit your eyebrows, fold your arms, growl. You just changed clothes and it was that easy.

Ok, so I know that you simply react in a circumstance, it’s not like you consciously choose to behave a certain way. What starts out as a reaction, if repeated enough times, becomes unconscious behaviour. The same also applies if you choose to respond in a certain way in a circumstance, if you repeat that response a few times, it will become unconscious behaviour. Reacting is basically a fear response, it is fight or flight in action. A life of reaction results in undesirable behaviours. Responding on the other hand, is stopping and thinking and choosing your behaviour – and choosing means choosing the best possible ones. If a certain behaviour doesn’t work, you choose another, and another, until you find one that does. This is how a brilliant personality is formed.

A documentary came out recently that nicely demonstrated this point. “Kumare” is about a young man who decides to grow a beard and pretend to be a Guru, and then film the journey. He “pretends” to be the best possible version of himself (actually not really a version, a whole different personality). The results was that he gained followers, he changed lives, and most of all, he changed himself in the process. It makes a powerful statement about the choices you make and stick with (behaviour wise). I dare you to try it, think of the best possible version of yourself and pretend to be that person. Every time you look in the mirror, decide to be someone you really like and admire. It’s not easy, so just try it a little here and little there. You will be astounded with the results. Actually you probably won’t even notice them, real change is like that, it happens quietly over time.

It’s all in your mind!