Monthly Archives: April 2013

The Way of the Open Hand

460785_99015676aI reckon that if you had to read every self-help book that dealt specifically with the Law of Attraction you would never run out of reading material. The amount of money that has been made peddling this universal Law is truly staggering. I think there are a few main reasons why people are so hungry to learn all they can about this simple Law:

1. They want to demystify it. Because it doesn’t seem to be working for them they figure that there must be more to learn, not realising that there really isn’t but there is a small change to be made.

2. They want more control over lives and they think that the Law of Attraction will give them that.  Yes and no, it does and it doesn’t  What it does do is serve your alignment with your higher self, what it doesn’t do is serve ego.

3. It has been marketed so well. The commercialisation of the Law of Attraction is right up there with what cigarettes and booze can do for your lifestyle. While it can attract anything into your life, the moment your motivation for wanting is because you don’t have then you will be attracting more lack.

In my opinion there is one simple key to attracting more of what you want into your life, and it’s something that I see little of, and when I do see it, it’s not what you think it is. Giving. There is only one route to effortless power and wealth and it is what I call “The Way of the Open Hand”.

True giving is a real let down to the ego. The ego wants to give, wants to be applauded for giving, and then wants something in return. Win, win, WIN baby! This type of giving is the reason why generosity has been given such a bad rap, when you give like this you end up disappointed and with even less than you started out with. In fact, the Bible puts it this way in Matthew 6:2 When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do–blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth; they have received all the reward they will ever get.”

I can personally attest to the fact that giving is the key to the Law of Attraction, but the secret to it lies in knowing the difference between giving and trading. Here are my personal rules for giving:

1. You don’t give to get. This is called trading, and if you are trading under the guise of giving then you shouldn’t really expect anything anyway. Trading in this way has lack as its motivation; you give to get back what you think you are lacking in. What you get back when you trade in this way is more lack.

2. Don’t give in order to look good to other people. Again, this is trading. The ego is playing the “Hey, look at me! Aren’t I awesome!” game and as the scripture I quoted earlier stated – you have just gotten all the reward you are going to get. The heart of giving this way is lack; you do it because you want to look good in other people’s eyes, and you might for a moment or two, but you will go right back to feeling worthless. Do your giving anonymously.  One thing I like to do is to pay for stranger’s meals in restaurants without them knowing it. It’s not always possible to remain anonymous, but if you can be anonymous then do it that way. Underplay it and avoid attention, make sure that there is nothing (or as little as possible) in it for your ego.

3. Do not judge your gift by the receiver. By this I mean don’t look at a homeless person and not give because “They will only spend it on booze,” or to another person because “They look wealthy enough,” or for any other judgemental reason. If the universe were to judge you as worthy or unworthy to receive by the same standards you use then you would never ever get anything. You have no idea what your gift is going to do in that person’s life. Perhaps their need is physical, perhaps it is emotional, you just don’t know and you really don’t have any idea what your kindness could mean. Perhaps that person has called out to God for help and you are the answer. Who knows? Just give.

4. Don’t play the “I didn’t feel led to give” game. This applies to Christians mainly, the popular thought is that God will tell you where and when to give so if He doesn’t then you are off the hook. God loves cheerful giver, and this is just so begrudging. Besides God told you decide in your own heart to do it (2 Corinthians 9:7). If this is your excuse, then it is just that, an excuse (a lie wrapped up in a reason). You don’t want to give and you are looking for an unarguable reason not to. Giving should be spontaneous and joyful.

5. Don’t give from your lack. “I don’t have enough” may be a valid reason to give less, but it isn’t a valid reason to give nothing. You are abundance, live like it. Living from a place of lack brings more lack, and trust me you always have something to give – it’s important that you give, not how much.

6. Don’t limit your giving. It’s not just about money; people need all kinds of things – smiles, hugs, phone calls, encouragement, a cup of tea etc. If you have it then you can give it.

7. Be grateful for what you have, it makes it easier to share it.

A hand that is open to give is also open to receive. I believe that the universe is constantly looking for channels through which it can express love and abundance. When you open yourself to being a giver you avail yourself to the universe to be such a channel, and you will see such love and abundance flow through your life. That’s what you want, isn’t it?

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An Instrument of Peace

1397321_41985058aThe key to true happiness in any relationship lies in being a giver. To complain about giving but not receiving anything in return is called trading, not giving. Too many people make their giving conditional on what they receive, but to give with that attitude is to give from a place of lack. The thing with trading is that happiness hinges on getting a return. So when you don’t…misery.

When you realise that you are a complete person on your own, and reject the myth of needing someone else to complete you, then you realise that you don’t need anything from anyone but are free to give.  I love the Prayer of St Francis that begins with “Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace”, if you make this your desire in your relationships, to be at peace with yourself and to bring peace to others, then you optimise your life for positive growth.

It is obvious that if you have failed to learn how to meet your own needs that you will look to someone else to do it, but this does not mean that they are able to. You are responsible for your own needs; it is not the purpose of a relationship to meet them. I believe that a relationship’s purpose is to serve as a mirror and show you where you need to grow and change; the rougher the edge, the tougher the lesson. Trying to change your partner so that you feel better won’t work, changing yourself so that you can be at peace in the situation will. Your environment is a response to you, so change yourself and you will change your environment. Inner turmoil is reflected as turmoil in your environment, inner peace is reflected as all things peaceful in your environment.

Your struggle is not with your partner, it is with yourself, to bring yourself to peace and let that peace transform your reality. A person at peace is a true giver; a person who is needy is a trader. A peaceful person lives in abundance, a needy person lives in need. What will you be?

 

Real change, real easy. www.imagineif.co.za

 

Love is a Verb

1416249_44034605aYou have been deceived. This may come as a shock to you, but Hollywood has not been fully honest with you. The love you see in most movies is not love. So many people base their expectations of romantic relationships on what they see in the movies and on TV, romance is easy to script because then it can be idealised. What you are calling love is nothing more than infatuation, what you may be is in love with the idea of love as you think it is.

Love is hard work. Love is what you decide to do when the feelings fade (and they do) and the romance isn’t rose petals and bubble baths. Love isn’t a feeling, though it can result in feelings. It does not depend on feelings however. Thanks to the fable you have believed in, you may think that when it gets tough and you don’t feel “in love” any more that it is game over, wrong, it’s GAMEON!

Here is the real test though, if you feel like walking away when the feelings have gone, then perhaps you should. The “one” will more than likely be the one you want to stick with when you don’t feel the warm fuzzy. Sadly though, people tend to make all the commitments when the feelings are strong and then discover that when the feelings are gone the person isn’t actually the “one”, oops. My advice is to enjoy the feelings, but don’t take them too seriously, and whatever you do, do not say I do until the “I do” is not in the heat of some fleeting emotion.

If this advice sticks in your throat, ask yourself if you are just in love with the idea of being “in love”. A good sign would be if you are a serial dater, and find yourself losing interest quickly. Real life sucks to the “in love with love” people.  Take it slow, enjoy the fireworks, but get ready for the real work.

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