Relationship Assassins – Judge and Jury
Not knowing what we don’t know is one of the potential pitfalls in a relationship. A pitfall being something we blindly stumble into when we simply do not know the truth of a situation. So many disagreements and irreconcilable differences are composed of such pitfalls. I catch myself saying so often when watching couples relate on TV, “Just talk to each other,” so often the “crisis” the people are facing is nothing more than a simple misunderstanding, people responding to a situation while they don’t know what they don’t know. How often do people in the real world do exactly the same? Becoming judge and jury in cases where they simply don’t have all the facts.
One thing that you simple can never know, unless you ask, is the true motive behind something. Isn’t it usually “why” you think someone did something that upsets you the most? The average human being thinks that it is all about them and that the world is out to get them. The average human being tends to be wrong a lot of the time. If I was to tell you that behind every action, regardless of how good or bad you think it is, is a good motive, would you believe me? See, we do everything for one of two reasons: to pursue pleasure or avoid pain. We are always about meeting our own needs, even the most altruistic of us. If we do it, there is something in it for us, and it has to do with pursuing pleasure or avoiding pain. We are all selfish, get over it.
The truth is that when it comes to your significant other it is never about you it is about them, and vice versa. When you chastise someone for doing something you don’t like without seeing it from their side, you ignore the motive and stir up resentment in the other person. If he or she did it, then in their minds they had a good reason to. It might not make any sense to you, but then it wasn’t your idea. Give the other person a chance to explain; really seek to understand where he/she is coming from; acknowledge their point of view and let them know from your side how their behaviour affected you and how it can be fixed. Punishment tends to turn us into liars, but love invites the truth.
Posted on November 15, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged Advice, Codependency, control, divorce, happiness, health, healthy-living, heartbreak, inspiration, Interpersonal relationship, Intimate relationship, life coaching, Marriage, mental-health, Peace, relationship, relationships, Self-Help, stupid decision, Thought. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.