Monthly Archives: November 2012

Relationship Assassins – The Best Defence

Over the past few weeks I have spoken a lot about what can destroy a relationship, and I am sure the list is by no means complete, but I believe that all of these assassins are the same thing wearing different masks. A person who is not at peace with themselves will be at war with everyone else. What you fail to find within, you seek without, but the problem is that it cannot be found without.

If you are not at peace with yourself, you open the door for all kinds of destructive forces. If you are not at peace with yourself you will make decisions that will lead to some dark places. The trouble with always looking outside of yourself is that you are never to blame, and it is always the other person that must change. If you are not at peace with yourself the other person can do all the changing in the world and you will still be unhappy. I do realise the other person has responsibility in the relationship, but you alone are responsible for your happiness. A person who is not at peace with themselves looks to everyone else to make them happy.

My advice to single people is that they first learn to be at peace with themselves before they look for a relationship, but alas most people look for it in a relationship and then find out that it can’t be found there. So many people contact me for relationship advice, and the only advice I can give them (if they want a long-term solution) is to learn how to be at peace with themselves.  Sadly most people want a quicker fix, or for me to tell them how to change the person they are with and sadly, while these things may offer short-term relief they fail in the long-term. If you want to be really happy, I mean content in every sense of the word, them learning to be at peace with yourself is the only way to find it.


The Man in the Mirror

I am a trekkie, I am not ashamed to admit it. Playing Star Trek Online is awesome! Now, if you know Star Trek you may know of the “mirror universe” where there is an evil version of the Star Trek characters, or at least a mirror image of who they are – science fiction or is it? I believe that there is a kind of mirror universe inside of you and in this context it has to do with disease and sickness.

I reckon that if everything is energy, then sickness and disease is energy too, albeit corrupt and disrupted energy. This is why it makes no sense to me to try and cure a disease with medicine, oh I understand that medicine can diminish symptoms but I don’t think it actually cures it. I think the body does that all by itself. Case in point, a recent discovery showed that sickness and disease is opportunistic and can only thrive if the environment in the body is right. A common cold can only thrive in an acidic environment, and an acidic environment is caused by stress. Getting rid of the symptoms doesn’t actually cure the cold, but it does make you feel better. How long does it take for the body to become more alkaline again? About 10 days (one day if you know what to do). So the root of all disease and sickness in the body is simply environment. Sickness and disease are nothing more than a response to environment. If you don’t believe me then take a look at how Planet Earth deals with environmental disruption. So, quite simply, to merely treat symptoms is like trying to get rid of weeds by hacking away the branches. To really deal with weeds change the soil the roots are in and hey presto! (Check out geneticist Bruce Lipton’s book “The Biology of Belief” for more information on this).  But internal environment can be a tricky thing and when it comes to dealing with sickness and disease in your body you need to use a sniper rifle and not a shotgun.

So how do we find the culprit? Aha, the mirror universe within. It is going to take something specific to create the internal environment in you that allows for a particular disease to take hold, and it could be that it is the mirror image of the sickness, or, in other words, the sickness is a shadow of the cause. Here is a way to find out what it is using hay fever as an example. Now it is important that you give your own personal answers to these questions, as you understand it to be. Textbook answers won’t help you; it has to be as you personally understand it.  Here are my answers: What is hay fever to me? It is my body rejecting certain substances. What is this an example of? It is an example of me rejecting things. What is another example of this in my life? I reject the idea of regular exercise and drinking lots of water. What do I need to do to get rid of the hay fever? Exercise regularly and drink enough water.

It is a simple detective technique, my answer to “What is another example of this in my life?” could have been, “I reject social contact,” “I reject compliments” it depends on the individual and the context they find themselves in. Once you find the cause and address it, the shadow falls away. I think healing is so very easy, and that is why we miss it. We have been told that it is hard work and can’t be done in any other way, so we take the difficult route. Try it for yourself; at the most you may discover healing, at the least you will be working on an area of your life that needs work anyway.  (Of course I can’t make any claims, and must say that you should always seek the advice of a professional.)


Relationship Assassins – Judge and Jury

Not knowing what we don’t know is one of the potential pitfalls in a relationship. A pitfall being something we blindly stumble into when we simply do not know the truth of a situation. So many disagreements and irreconcilable differences are composed of such pitfalls. I catch myself saying so often when watching couples relate on TV, “Just talk to each other,” so often the “crisis” the people are facing is nothing more than a simple misunderstanding, people responding to a situation while they don’t know what they don’t know. How often do people in the real world do exactly the same? Becoming judge and jury in cases where they simply don’t have all the facts.

One thing that you simple can never know, unless you ask, is the true motive behind something. Isn’t it usually “why” you think someone did something that upsets you the most? The average human being thinks that it is all about them and that the world is out to get them. The average human being tends to be wrong a lot of the time. If I was to tell you that behind every action, regardless of how good or bad you think it is, is a good motive, would you believe me? See, we do everything for one of two reasons: to pursue pleasure or avoid pain. We are always about meeting our own needs, even the most altruistic of us. If we do it, there is something in it for us, and it has to do with pursuing pleasure or avoiding pain. We are all selfish, get over it.

The truth is that when it comes to your significant other it is never about you it is about them, and vice versa. When you chastise someone for doing something you don’t like without seeing it from their side, you ignore the motive and stir up resentment in the other person. If he or she did it, then in their minds they had a good reason to. It might not make any sense to you, but then it wasn’t your idea. Give the other person a chance to explain; really seek to understand where he/she is coming from; acknowledge their point of view and let them know from your side how their behaviour affected you and how it can be fixed. Punishment tends to turn us into liars, but love invites the truth.


I remember the day that I found out that I was a robot, it was both a shock and a relief. If I am a robot, then that means I am subject to my programming and therefore not really all that responsible. I was off the hook so too speak. I said, did, and felt things because I was simply programmed to. All my life I had never questioned my programming, I simply obeyed. As long as I followed the programming I was happy, if I resisted I experienced pain. Resistance is futile. I was always aware of this entire universe of subconscious activity within me, like voices I barely hear but never understand, so I just learned to live with them. The day I accepted that I was a robot was the day that I was set free. Then I learned that I could choose my own programming. When I wasn’t aware of the truth of my existence I passively allowed other people to program me, I simply accepted their commands and obeyed without question. I found out that the way programs in me worked was simply: stimulus (command) – processing -output. I also discovered that by interrupting the processing phase I could change the output, and in some cases even the way I felt about stimuli themselves. I understood that to change my programming I simply had to find away to rectify the imbalance that was causing the emotion that resulted in bad behaviour. I became truly empowered when I learned to reprogram myself.

Ok, it reads like a sci fi tale but did you know that upwards of 95% of your day is spent running and obeying internal programs? In other words, you spend most of your time living from your unconscious mind. Just about all of your day you are a robot, with the exception of the rare times you get consciously involved. It’s crazy to think that all of how you feel and think is nothing more than programming and if you attempt to modify your behaviour you always end up following the programming. So behaviour modification is simply not possible in the long run. True freedom lies in accepting that you are a robot and then learning how to manage your programming. Most people swim in and out of consciousness; think about things you wanted to change about yourself a few years ago and consider that not only did you not change them, but you don’t even think about them now. The programming always wins.

The purpose of today’s blog is not to tell you how to change your programming but to invite you to accept your status as that of a robot. Think of your unconscious mind (that runs your life) as nothing more than a highly sophisticated tape recorder – record and play – that is all it does. So talking to the tape recorder won’t help and talking about what is on the tape recorder won’t help either. The only way to deal with what is on the tape recorder is in the same way that it got on the tape recorder in the first place. Record and play. This is why most therapy only enjoys limited success. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find a way to learn how to change your programming.

PS….coaching is one way.