Relationship Assassins – The Big Change
Oh boy do I deal with this one a lot with my clients! I find two things very interesting when it comes to this little darling: 1. It’s always the other person who has the problem, and 2. The complainer doesn’t want to take the medicine he/she is prescribing for his/her partner. I have had to turn clients away because they have been sent to me by their partner. Let me tell you, if you think that your partner needs to change, then you need to consider the very real chance that it is indeed you who needs the change. The chances are that if you can’t accept the other person, then you are struggling to accept yourself.
Like it or not, no matter how “bad” your partner is, you have no right to tell him/her to change; only they can decide that for themselves. Ouch. You might want the other person to change, but if someone gave you a list of all the ways that you need to change it would be a different story. A partner who changes to please the other person has not really changed at all and this will only end in disappointment. It has to be because they want it for themselves and because they want to improve their lives, or not at all.
Change has to be more than behaviour modification, and usually an insistence on change will result in resentment in the long run. The fact that you cannot change another person or expect them to change for you is one of the toughest to accept in a relationship. The main way that the desire for the other person to change destroys a relationship is that you will end up becoming your partner’s “mother” or “father” and no longer your partner’s lover, and no normal person wants to have intimate relations with his/her parents.
Posted on October 17, 2012, in Life Coaching, Peace, Personal Power, Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged Advice, divorce, happiness, heartbreak, Interpersonal relationship, Intimate relationship, Marriage, mental-health, relationship, relationships, Self-Help, stupid decision, Unconscious mind. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.