Relationship Assassins – The Drag Net
I have often wondered if the past is something that actually happened or if I just made it up. I reason that since I remember it, it must be real. Science is showing that the clearer the memory, the greater the likelihood that it is just made up. Now I am not so sure about that, but what I do know is that my past is greatly exaggerated by my perception, things are what they are because of the meaning I give them. Enter our next relationship assassin: The drag net.
Like a net that is dragged across the bed of a lake or river drags up everything from discarded tires to dead bodies, so the drag net in a relationship scoops up all the junk from the past and uses it as ammunition in the present. Holding on to past mistakes kills future hope for the relationship. I am not talking about the repeat offender, or the trust breaker here, I am talking about silly things like “You said…..you did….you forgot”. Usually they are things that only one person (the wounded party) in the relationship remembers. Have you noticed that you tend to remember offences that your partner has forgotten? If only one of you remembers the offence, then it is half as important as you think it is.
No one has any defence against someone who uses the past as a weapon. The sad thing is that using the past as a weapon doesn’t get you the satisfaction you want; it just makes the other person resent you. The need to be right will cause you to fight dirty, and using the past is just that. If living in the past is dragging your relationship down with it, and you really want to let go then it’s time for some coaching!! Break the pattern now and start enjoying your life.
Posted on October 2, 2012, in Life Coaching, Peace, Personal Power, Relationships and tagged happiness, heartbreak, Interpersonal relationship, Intimate relationship, James Dobson, relationship, relationships, Self-Help. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.