Three Steps to Personal Peace
Time after time I get clients who feel like the world was made so that they have a place to go to let people walk all over them. Do you feel taken advantage of? Pushed around? Spread too thin? Sadly, for most people, this is a way of life. The truth is that no one mistreats you unless you allow them to.
People aren’t really evil; they simply do what they think they need to do in order to succeed and if that includes walking over you, and you let them, they will. Most people don’t even realise they are doing any harm, and they certainly don’t intend to. Good fences make good neighbours, so the saying goes, and the truth is that if you don’t have clearly defined boundaries, you will get walked over. Everyone I know who complains about getting trodden on doesn’t have them.
- Slow it down. I have never personally heard of a traffic accident that involved someone who was relaxed and enjoying the drive. Hurry and haste gets us in hot water because we tend to miss crucial details. No one who takes his/her time to think falls victim to a scam. No one who slows down and thinks things through gets taken advantage of. Smell the roses, enjoy the air, and you will see trouble coming from a mile off.
- The Automatic No. I remember watching “Yes Man” and thinking, “Its saying no that most people struggle with.” Saying yes to everything paints a red target on you and practically begs for abuse. There are all kinds of fears that come with saying no, but I have come up with a way to say no that will actually get some respect. You see it’s never the “Just think about it” things that cause us trouble, but the “Give me an answer right now” things. I have noticed with scamsters that they always want the answer now! Usually someone who puts you under pressure to act right away is hiding something from you. Here’s what you do: When someone wants an answer right now, simply say, “If you want an answer right now, then the answer is no. If you are prepared to give me time to think about it, then the answer may be yes.” This usually puts them off, it puts the choice back in their hands. If they want a yes then they need to wait. If they are intent on getting an answer now, then it is simply no. If they still want an answer and give you time to think, decide how long you need to think about it and then give your answer. This brings us to:
- Value for value. Before you agree to anything at all, first think about the value you will receive in return. I am not just talking about money here, but any value, even feeling good. What value can you get helping an old lady cross the road? The value of having done a good deed. When you decide the value, you can decide if the answer will be yes, or if it isn’t going to be worth your while. You usually get the value you decide on; decide that feeling good is enough reward, and you will feel good. Do not cry over the value you have received in return, once you have decided on it then accept it and let it go. If you don’t decide on a value, then you will get what you get.
It all comes down to taking it slow, setting boundaries, and deciding what you want. Slowing down enough to be aware, being in charge of your yes and no, and deciding what you want to get in return for what you are asked to give, will all bring a sense of peace and balance to an out of control life.
Posted on September 11, 2012, in Life Coaching, Peace, Personal Power, Relationships, Uncategorized and tagged Activism and Peace Work, control, God, Peace, self control, Thought. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.