Relationship Assassins – Familiarity
Another one of the killers of relationship bliss is familiarity. It seems that over time two people become so used to one another that not only do they take each other for granted, but they even forget that they are two separate people with their own opinions and their own way of doing things.
One of the symptoms of this is when your desires start becoming expectations. In other words, when it was once ok for them to do things their way (you know those little quirks that annoyed you a bit but you lived with them anyway), now you expect them to do things the way YOU want them to be done and it really ticks you off when they don’t.
It is inevitable that you will get “comfortable” in a relationship; it is not that different from that new pair of jeans that you once showed off but now only wear them around the house. I hear it from my clients all the time, “The spark is gone”, but the truth is that is isn’t supposed to stay.
It’s not actually familiarity that kills a relationship; it is what we do with it. Familiarity entices us to forget that we need to be putting work into the relationship. You see, once familiarity kicks in the relationship is no longer self-sustaining and it needs work to keep it going. I think this is the point when most people think it is all over, when the real work begins. Oh shucks, you mean I have to work at this thing? The key is to find a relationship you will be willing to work at. Take my word for it, familiarity WILL kick in……but will it make or break your relationship? Learning how to recognise it and knowing what to do with it will make all the difference.
If you need help make familiarity work for you in your relationship, then go to http://www.imagineif.co.za (and if I am online you can chat with me live!)