The Road to Relational Hell
If you really want to screw up a relationship and be miserable in life then here is an easy way to do it: First of all have expectations, nothing will make you as miserable as being disappointed when they are not met. Secondly, have expectations and don’t tell anyone what they are, that way you can be miserable and judgemental and blame everyone around you for what is going wrong in your life. Taking responsibility for what goes right and then blaming everyone else for what goes wrong is a sure fire way to be completely miserable and head down the road to living hell.
Having expectations puts the power of your happiness in someone, or something else’s, hands. The trouble with this is that if something or someone has the power to make you happy, then it (or they) has (have) the power to make you sad. Flip a coin. I don’t want to live that way.
The major problem with expectations is that they are unfinished sentences; the reason why we expect certain things is because we don’t have them. If I have it, I have no need to expect it. So the unconscious message is, “Hey I don’t have this thing,” so the universe allows for conditions of “not having” to persist. Also, what we focus in becomes commands for our conditioned minds to follow, so expectations put the focus on what we don’t have and then our conditioned mind ensures that we continue not having it, since that is what we choose to focus on.
Expectations have to be in the top five in the list of relationship assassins. They cause us to demand perfection and then act imperfectly when it isn’t delivered. Show me a relationship with expectations and I will predict its end. Have all the desires you want, but when your happiness hinges on those desires happening then you are asking, nay, begging for trouble. You will get it.
Expectations throw thorns on our paths. I know we have the right to expect certain things, especially if you are exchanging coin for goods or services, but rather than connecting so much personal emotion to it, learn how to ask and get what you want.
Taking charge of your own happiness and robbing expectations of their life crushing power is the best gift you can give to yourself, one of them at least.